Herald to the Hirsute, Ode to the Beard

How the mustache made it to the mainstream, I’ll never know.
Let’s face it. Mustaches are creepy. They belong to jewel thieves, child molesters, pirates, and fascist dictators. Also, this.
 
Beards, however, are different. Beards are for poets, professors, inventors, and revolutionaries.
Heck, Ben Affleck’s beard won him an Oscar. (Okay, not really. His stellar script and direction for Argo did, but the correlation is there!)
My point is–beards are erudite, pedagogic, and pensive.
Beards are virile, wild, and versatile.
Some are untamed and unruly, inviting you to a life in the backwoods.
Others are prim and pruned for civilized table talk.
What woman doesn’t love rubbing her face into a good beard? Because c’mon. Beards are sexy.
Save the scruff. We just can’t get enough.