Dear D.H. Lawrence

You told us that the truest way to live life is to listen to what is innate in us. The intellect gets in the way of our purest desires and thus prevents us from being our true selves.

If you had ever met me, you would know (without any extensive psychoanalysis) that my intellect likes to be the center of attention. I don’t presume to say that I am exceptionally intelligent. It’s just that I never stop thinking about things sometimes. Especially lately. As far as inspiration goes, there are peaks and valleys. Right now, I feel as if in a valley. My creative self has been trumped by the side of me that excels at organizing, planning, executing, and managing…Even where there’s time for creativity, it remains elusive.

This has been my latest challenge. I sit down and start writing, then never finish. Or I try to pick up on songs that I began writing and can’t seem to move forward. It’s silly, but because of this first album’s pretense, I have acquired that silly fear that artists sometimes have that they’ll never be able to outdo themselves. Granted, there is so much farther that others have gone and so much farther that I have to go. But I can’t shake this little fear that what I produce from now onward might just be underwhelming.

Then again, I remind myself that I’ve been through valleys in the past, and they’ve always lead me to even more inspiration up ahead. Patience is the name of the game.

As always, the only thing to do is remain hopeful and proactive. If I can’t control when my creative self decides to produce, ich kann Kontrolle anderem! Doing plenty to keep me busy. I intend to be able to speak German confidently soon. Then French. Then Portuguese. And I’m trying to improve myself in a musical sense as well – learning as much as I can and staying dedicated to it.

I have faith in the universe to speak to me again, and I can only hope to do justice to my art when it does.


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