Bildungsroman

My stinky feet found repose on my car dashboard today as I flipped through the first volume of Ms. Anais Nin’s diary.

I have found the secret to my happiness, although it is almost the antithesis of my being a free-spirited artist: regimen. I need regimen in my life! Trust me when I say I love to dream and have my head floating about in the clouds most of the time, but what is dreaming without giving action to those dreams? These past few months have been muddy in my memory, mostly because I’ve been complacent with where things are — my song repertoire, the ongoing tour, and my current rhythm of life. (Yes, they all had to be musical references.) But it’s felt like I’ve been listening to the same song over and over again.

This morning, I woke up and felt a fire beneath my feet. The night before, I wrote down a regimen for myself for this week. One hour devoted to learning German every day. One hour to reading and/or writing each day. Running every other day. Jazz piano lessons every other day. Music for all the rest of it. We’ll see how this pans out over the course of time. If, like flossing, this healthy habit fades away after a few months or so, I’ll have to give myself another kick in the butt.

I’m happiest when I’m learning, changing, and growing. All of these things allow me to do just that.

Anais, I’ve lit myself on fire! And being myself on fire I hope to set other souls ablaze as well.

“Dir nicht vorgegraben du siehst,
Mache dir selber Bahn!”

(“Cut before thee thou canst discern,
Make for thyself a path!”)

–Goethe, “Mut” (Courage)

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